* does sensuality means sexuality…. ?

When we say the word “sensuality” and most of us would immediately think of sex. Many people confuse the terms sensuality and sexuality, thinking they are synonymous.

Certainly, there are areas of overlap: for instance, one might wish to be a sensual lover, to bring one’s sensuality into the lovemaking process, thus combining the sensual with the sexual experience.

The song “Feel it” by Kate Bush, is one good example of being sensual in the sexual exploration. There is no sexual word in the lyrics, and yet we could feel the excitement of the sexual exploration and experiences.

After the party

You took me back to your parlour.

A little nervous laughter

Locking the door.

My stockings fall

Onto the floor.

Desperate for more.

Nobody else can share this.

Here comes one and one makes one,

The glorious union.

Well it could be love,

Or it could be just lust,

But it will be fun.

It will be wonderful.

Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Oh, I need it. Oh, oh, feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Feel it!

See what you’re doing to me?

God, but you’re beautiful, aren’t you?

Feel your warm hand walking around.

I won’t pull away.

My passion always wins.

So keep on a-moving in.

So keep on a-tuning in.

Synchronize rhythm now.

Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Oh, I need it. Oh, oh, feel it,

Feel it, my love.

Feel it!

See what you’re doing to me?

See what you’re doing to me?

Just see what you’re doing to me.

©1978 EMI/Kate Bush

Relationship experts say we are only as appealing as the vibes we radiate. And if our vibe screams “stay away” in flashing neon, we may be in need of a sensual energy boost. 🙂

There are many different ways to define what is sensuality out there. But particularly I like this one by Kimberley Davis. She defined sensuality as “the quality of being pleasing to the senses. And it’s all about the body and senses as opposed to the mind and intellect. We’re talking taste, touch, sight, smell and sound”.

Sensuality is about feeling about ourselves and not being ashamed of enjoying sensual things. It’s the way we move, the way we look and the way others see us. It’s the timbre of our voice or the trill of our laugh. It’s the scent that lingers after we’ve left a room. It’s about being open to new possibilities and having the faith to step outside of the box.

“Some people radiate sensuality,” says radio host and relationship therapist Audrey B. Chapman, author Seven Attitude Adjustments for Finding a Loving Man: The Black Woman’s Guide to Finding the Man of Her Dreams. “They walk into a room, they don’t even open their eyes — it’s just there. It’s almost pulsating off their bodies.”

In a word, being sensual starts with confidence — being comfortable in our own skin. With that self-awareness comes a greater understanding of our “sense appeal.”

Sensuality comes naturally to some people. Others don’t have it and don’t know how to get it. Relationship experts say that what gets in the way is a society that sometimes tells people that being sensually aware automatically makes us a person of loose morals, a Jezebel or “hoochie.”

The first step in overcoming this obstacle to sensuality is to toss away those old stereotypes and focus on how we feel for a change. We really need to get in tune with our body and embrace what makes us feel good, says Rosie Milligan, a counselor, author and publisher from Los Angeles. Being confident isn’t simply knowing ourselves, it’s also loving ourselves. As that confidence begins to take root in our life, we may begin to exude the kind of sensuality that appeals to others.

“Sex is the actual act of doing something sexual,” says Chapman, a radio talk show host in Washington, D.C. “You can be sensual and not doing anything sexual. Ever. And that’s the difference.”

By focusing our energy, just about anything can be a sensual experience. Sensuality can include eating explosively flavorful foods like chocolate, oysters or chilies; meditating; being massaged with essential oils; wearing clothes with certain texture; relaxing in a luxurious bath; listening to music; dancing; yoga; zhineng qigong; pleasing fragrances from flowers, aromatherapy candles, perfume or a natural scent — just about anything. The crucial point is to make sure we experiment to find out what pleases us, and then go after it.

Once we go after our sensual self it’s important that we don’t force it. If we try to force ourselves to do or feel something that isn’t there, it appears insincere. Expressing our sensuality shouldn’t be a task, it should be a pleasure. Be willing to risk knowing ourselves. Search for sources to help us determine who we are. Chapman suggests self-help books or articles, personal or group counseling, seminars or even our friends and family. We have to build a firm foundation for exploring our sensual side.

“Underneath good sensuality is high self-esteem and confidence,” Chapman says. “Without those two things, it’s pretty difficult to get to that point.”


A sensual relationship is one that is calm, centered, romantic and loving. We don’t have to give up the wild side, but we can express our love or interest in a way that is deeper than sex.

Sensuality is a key ingredient for a richer sexual expression. However, while sensuality seems to be an essential part of good sex, but sexuality is not the only arena for sensual expression.

Sensuality is something much broader. Beginning with awareness, sensuality encompasses the exploration and experiencing of all our senses.

Sexual usually refers to the physical acts to obtain gratification. Sensual usually refers to something that appeals to the mental aspect of pleasure, romance, and sex.

Being sensual is all about enticing someone and making them desire you, whereas being sexual means you are just being crude and forward.

Being sexual is more about being physical.Being sensual is more about being emotionally romantic.

Being sensual is also being healthy as mentioned in my other post here.

To me being Sexual is the ‘animal instinct’ as in Basic Need of Maslow’s hierarchy of Needs. As for being Sensual is in the third hierarchy as “Love and Belonginess”. Sensuality is an acquired quality through a slow process of life nurturing and cultivation. And it is definitely not born with it.


1 Response to “* does sensuality means sexuality…. ?”

  1. February 4, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Very good post. You have a new subscriber:) Thanks again, Karter

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