The Myth about Finding a life long-partner and dating – The External and internal beauty

 

There are a lot of wisdoms and advices concerning about finding a life-long partner; these information are everywhere, to a certain extend that almost everyone knows it; but alas, majority of us, if given a second chance, we would do it differently. Even then we may not get it right too.

 

To me, these wisdom and information have somewhat diluted to just monkey-see and monkey-do; and it is lack of depth, and lack of understanding of its purpose and intent. Hence when anyone of us facing with a challenging situation during the dating, we do not know what is the right thing to do, and chose the path that is out of convenient, or out of social and moral acceptable norm, and thus unknowingly created ourselves the obstacles in later part of our life.

 

I have gone through many facets of life, and suffer (most part of it) like everyone else. And I wish to share here for those who can think critically of what I am going to share, and have the courage to stand on my shoulder and move on to improve their life without having to start from ground zero. Again, you may disagree with me, that is ok, the choice is still yours. J

 

“Usually when we realized our father’s advice is right, most of us already a father ourselves.”

 

The Myth – Is the External beauty and look not important, Inner beauty is…?

 

How can anyone believe that external beauty and look is not important? That is ridiculous; unless you are different from majority of us; hence most of us will ignore this wisdom, and look for someone who is beautiful, handsome or well to do.

 

I have seen many guys or gals walking proudly, with their heads held high, on the street with young good looking gorgeous girl friends, or riding in an expensive cars; as if they are parading their partner. This kind of relationship will not yield strength in the union. To me this is not a “partnership” kind of relationship; it is the “ownership” kind. He/She owns and possesses his/her partner.

 

Possession kind of union will not yield enough strength to weather any storm in the relationship, and it is usually very fragile and weak.

 

The principle of “Unity is strength” is applicable here. Ownership kind of relationship lacks unity; hence it is very fragile and weak. It is unlikely to survive our current dynamic, ever changing stormy weather kind of society that we live in today.

 

So people who are focused on external beauty and look will have to watch out on this ‘pitfall’ that will lead us to ownership kind of relationship, which will bring disaster later in our relationship.

 

External beauty or look does not limited to just ‘look’, but it encompasses the material possession, such as, houses, cars, money, status etc.

 

Inner beauty comes about from being confident, knowing our own values and purpose in life; knowing our strengths and weaknesses; and being competent in caring for ourselves, and willing to share and improve the life of others around us.

 

To me, both the external and inner beauty are equally important. How is that? Am I sitting on the fences? J

 

Let me explain simply in the following sentence.

 

“External beauty or attraction is to enable us to open the ‘door’ expeditiously; whereas the inner beauty is to maintain and keep the ‘door’ open.”

 

How can we have both….?

 

Obviously we can’t in our normal and usual context.

 

Hence, we should scope the “key to open door” to just the bare minimum, so that it is practical, and after all that is not an important factor to keep the door open. No point having a lot of keys, but couldn’t find one that could open the door. After all, we only need to unlock and crack the door ajar, we don’t need the whole bunch of keys to unlock the door.

 

To me, I will like my partner who is not obese, and I must be able to feel good chemistry and be comfortable communicating with her on any on my 4 pillars of health, that is spiritual, sexual, physical and financial health.

 

The key to open door is just simply not being obese; the rest are associated with inner beauties.

 

We have to constantly seek simplicity in defining external beauty. In order to do that, we must first know ourselves very well, and constantly reflect upon it as we live our life mindfully everyday.

 

Obesity encompasses many important values, and it is not about being slim or curvy. If a person is obese, usually he/she is ‘ill’ mentally. I don’t want to sound judgmental here; some of you may disagree with me, that is fine with me also.

 

Why I say if a person is obese, he is ‘ill’ mentally?

 

I have seen enough people in my life to associate mental illness to obesity. I can agree that a small minority of obese people are genetic, but a far more majority of these people are due to lack of discipline, and lack of self-love. They know that obesity will lead to many detrimental illnesses, and yet they find excuses to live with it.

 

In summary, we need both, the external beauty or attractiveness, and the inner beauty to find our life-long partner and keep the relationship going healthily. If we are unable to have the key to unlock the door, then we must have the patience, and knowing that it will take a longer time to unlock and open the door.