Author Archive for CK Jonathan
Since 1859, orchids have been closely associated with the Singapore Botanic Garden. The products of the Gardens’ orchid breeding programme, which began in 1928, deserve a place where they can be displayed in their full splendor. The very design of these orchids is, one could say, “hand-crafted” by the Gardens’ horticultural staff, dedicated to bringing out the finest in any hybrid cross… 
To me, the National Orchid Garden has put up the best nature show that I have ever seen. The richness and the diversity of colors displayed by this wide variety of hybrid orchids are emotionally soothing and spiritually enchanting. They look elegant from far, and sensually stimulating when seen up-closed. The myriad of orchid blooms produce a wide spectrum of spectacular lights illuminating the entire floralscape. However, it is sometimes beyond the capacity of our naked eyes to really appreciate the true splendor of these divine flowers. Hence viewing of this show is perhaps best through a pair of good lens, and here I shall share this enchanting moment which has captivated me throughout the entire three hours’ journey I had in this balmy atmosphere of a secluded tropical garden with you. The show which I have named “the orchids delight…”, features a wide variety of personalities, dressed in their native colorful costumes and makeup, either solo or in groups; some are stunning, some are subtle; some are patterned, some are unadorned; some are intricate, some are simple. All in all, it has just been an exhilarating and breath taking journey…
My take away from the show is “don’t believe what you cannot see. What we can not see, or understand, is not necessarily non existence…”
* the old Katong charm…
The revamped Holy Family Church
* YOG, Singapore 2010…
The parade @ Padang, City Hall, Singapore 2010...
The grand old City Hall...
Singapore National Day Parade (NDP) is one show that will never fail to stir up a certain special, unique and deep intimate emotion in me. I feel blessed (always) when I am able to sit at the gallery and watch the parade passing by peacefully and everyone is able to dance, smile and have a good time partying. Tears will well up in my eyes, and a deep emotional energy will send a series of magnetic waves up my spine to my soul. The feeling is overwhelmingly warm and gratifying.
That is why every year I will always try my best to find my way into the parade grounds, either by offering my service, bidding for NDP tickets, or be a show participant.
This year was no exception; I was there for one of the rehearsal show. As usual, I was carrying my camera, moving around the arena, shooting furiously at everything that had some appeal to my senses. But alas, the cloud
getting ready for the rain...
started to build up, and next came the rain. I managed to find a nice little sheltered place to pack myself in with my camera hanging down my neck, wrapped around by my handkerchief, and continued to watch the show.
“Are you feeling cold?” I heard a voice… it came from a father and a son sitting in front of me. The father was sheltered by a small umbrella, while the son was wearing the raincoat provided in the NDP goodies bag.
The unstoppable spirit of NDP...
“No dad, I am ok. Besides, those people (he was pointing to the parade ground) are even worse than us; they have not taken shelter, and are still continuing to perform in the rain for us to see. They must be feeling cold…” The father suddenly became speechless, and just hugged his son close to him and continued to watch the show.
The kid echoed something that sounded all too familiar to me… I remember PM Lee Hsien Loong has recounted his own experience, as a participant in the 1967 NDP, where he was soaking wet in the rain. The moment and the experience he had shared were overwhelmingly touching.
Suddenly, the images of yesteryears started to unfold right before my eyes. I was only 6 years old when Singapore was kicked out of Malaya, and forced to be independent. It was not the case that we fought hard for our independence, but more like a bad boy being kicked out of the family, and forced to survive on our own regardless….
The future of Singapore was filled with uncertainties. The Konfrontasi was on-going at that time, and the conservative UMNO faction strongly opposed the separation; we faced the danger of being attacked by Indonesian military or forcibly re-absorbed into the Malaysia Federation under unfavorable terms.
The Singapore's Red Lion...
The British troops had remained in Singapore following our independence. However, in 1968, London announced its decision to withdraw its forces by 1971. Again we had no choice but to set out to build up our own military, called the Singapore Armed Forces, and a national service programme was also introduced in 1967 by the late Dr Goh Keng Swee.
We immediately sought international recognition of our sovereignty by joining the United Nations. Singapore became the 117th member of the UN on 21 September 1965. In October that same year, we became a part of the Commonwealth nations.
As a small island nation, we were seen as inadequate to be a viable country and much of the international media was skeptical of the prospects for our survival. Besides the issue of sovereignty, other pressing problems included unemployment, housing, education, and the lack of natural resources and land. Unemployment at that time ranged between 10-12%, threatening to trigger civil unrest.
Salute to the President....
My childhood was filled with hardships and uncertainties, but also filled with a sense of freedom. Life was hard, but I never had to beg for my meals.
Faced with severe unemployment and a housing crisis, we embarked on a modernisation programme that focused on establishing a manufacturing industry, developing large public housing estates and investing heavily on public education. Since independence, our economy has grown by an average of nine percent each year. By the 1990s, we have become one of the world’s most prosperous nations, with a highly-developed free market economy, strong international trading links, and the highest per capita gross domestic product in Asia outside of Japan.
The enemy's nightmare...
The Black Knight....
We managed to find a workable formula to achieve peace, and that led to progress, prosperity and happiness. We have spent a great deal of effort and huge sums of money to achieve and maintain our peace. Without that, we would never have had a place we can call home (of our own), and the opportunity to work hard towards progress, achieving prosperity and securing happiness.
Isn’t that the same principle with our life?
If we want to be happy, we must first seek to have a peace of mind. To achieve that peace of mind is not an easy task. We need to invest huge amount of effort, time, and sacrifices to reach and maintain that state of being. Only when we have achieved that state of being, that we can then progress, prosper and achieve our happiness in a sustainable way.
the old and the new National Theatres....
Our mind is constantly bombarded by many adverse external elements, such as greed, that leads us to possessiveness and wanting more of everything; jealousy that leads us to anger and creating strains in relationships; envy that leads us to emotional imbalance and many sleepless nights…
To achieve a peace of mind, we must first seek to be integrated – our body, mind and soul have to be integrated into one entity and function as one. Only then will we be able to think as one, feel as one and live as one. Meditation is one way that can enable us to be integrated. A meditative state of being can be achieved by practicing Yoga, Zhineng Qigong or meditative sex. 
Once we are integrated, we will be much more aware of ourselves, and of the things around us. We will understand why this world is not free, although it may appear to be free on the surface. The truth is that there are contradictions everywhere in life, and that these will ultimately all converge, such as life meeting death, day meeting night, love meeting hate, and yes meeting no. Our conscience is really not that of our own, but influenced and perhaps even created by society as a result of the domestication process since the day we were born.
Once we are aware of all these contradictions, we will transcend beyond the boundaries, to a state of being where we can embrace all these contradictions in a holistic way. Only then will we not have to make choices. We can then exist in a state of “choicelessness” but remain silently aware that these contradictions will eventually converge and become one. We know yes 
is no longer yes, and no is no longer no. All these are absolutely indefinable because where yes and no meet is inconceivable, and this is the state of transcendence, a state of real peace which is beyond our mind.
Someone whispered to me from a distance as I was walking into the woods. She seemed to be asking me something which I couldn’t figure it out at first. But as the wind and the dust gently and slowly settled down, I seemed to hear a trembling voice, which was trying to reach out to me, as if she was in great pain from within…
“In an idealistic world, it will be most wonderful that… but we are just humans with so many realities of daily living. Does anyone expect people to switch in and out between the ideal world and real world…?” As she finished uttering those words, her voice started to break and fade hurriedly into the night like a frightened child being seen doing something wrong… She seemed to be running away from something or maybe someone…
“Is it possible for such a co-existence…?” She turned her head, and looked back at me with her tearing doubtful eyes, as she echoed those few trailing words before her shadow withered helplessly into the distant darkness and the night became cold and quiet again…
“Must we live in two different worlds?” I asked myself.
It seems to me that people who cannot be or are not able to be themselves, tend to see the ideal world and the real world as two distinctive and contrasting worlds. It is as if one is for the mind, while the other is for the body.
There is not much difference between our left brain and right brain. The left brain is the logical world or real world, while the right brain is the ideal world or emotional world. Until today, scientists and researchers have not yet successfully figured it out how our left and right brains can function as one integrated entity.
But we don’t have to go very far to know that we are always switching between the two brains, one moment we are thinking logically, the next moment we break down and cry. We do it so often that we don’t even realize it.
The ideal world is our dream, is our source of passion, and it gives rise to our hopes and energy to be alive. The only thing that can make the two worlds different is when we stop pursuing our dreams. Doing nothing and making no effort to move towards our dreams, that is when our dreams remain still as dreams, and they become unreal, turning into day-dreams.
Just look at many people in the past who have successfully turned their dreams into reality, like how Walt Disney has put life into his imaginations, and how the Wright brothers have built our first flying machine…
Our destiny is in our hands – have the courage to live in our “ideal world” in the real world. Even if we do not reach our ideal world in the end, we will be happy and comforted to know that we have at least sown the seeds and have spared no effort in pursuit of our dream. We will also not feel regretful that we have wasted our entire life living in other people’s dreams, since we know for sure that as we live our life every day, we are journeying a day closer towards our ideal dream world…
The feeling is exciting, real and fulfilling when we know we are living and journeying closer to where we want to be. We do not have to live in contradictions, in agony, and be what others want us to be any longer. Now is the chance for all of us to be ourselves, to re-discover who we are and what we want now, yes now – at this very moment…
Practice makes us better, but it is in taking the action that makes all the difference.
Lets live our dream today and everyday… my friends!
lack of love…
Many of our challenges and sufferings today are related to love, to be precise is due to the “lack of love”.
The cleaner dreads her day, feels ashamed, and lacks motivation and creativity to keep the place clean. She does not have the feeling and love for the place and for the people who are working or living there. Consequently, she perceives, unconsciously, that a clean and tidy environment is not needed and that they do not deserve her efforts to keep the place clean. If she loves the place and the people who work and live there, she would have harnessed a lot of cosmos energy and creativities to find a better way to make the place clean and tidy. She would have found the noble meaning to serve those people whom she believes would benefit from her efforts.
inability to love…
Many of our complex emotional issues, disorders or illnesses today stems from our inability to love and to receive love, the real love. This inability is the result of our human behavioral evolution and domestication process that started a long time ago when our human society needed a system for all human-beings to survive, and to live together in a coherent manner – hence the birth of morality and legal systems.
birth of morality…
The moral and legal standards and definitions did not arise out of consciousness or love by the Pharisees, the puritans, the scribes or the pundits. Their definitions have arisen out of the legal court. Just like adultery, the meaning – the ordinary meaning – of which is “to make love to a woman you are not married to.” But the real meaning of adultery is “making love to someone whom you are not in love with. She may be your own wife, but if you are not in love with her, then making love to her is adultery.”[1]
Many of our moral teachings today are based on fear, but dressed in the cloth of love. When our parents told us to study hard, they have always reiterated that it is due to their love for us, of not wanting us to follow the same path that has led to their sufferings … was it out of fear or out of love…? When we got married, was it because we really loved that person and wanted to be with that person unconditionally, or was it because of our fear of losing that person, whom we perceived as capable of providing a shelter, the emotional needs and happiness for us…?
Having said all that, I would like to reiterate that it is not our parents’, teachers’ and relatives’ conscious intention to domesticate us in this manner, the manner that is driven by fear in the cloth of love. It was just that no one has ever shown them how to love, and the meaning of real love.[2]
learning to love…
To really learn how to love and experience love, we must all “selfishly” learn to love ourselves and fill ourselves with all the loves that we deserve. Learn it from nature, because nature is still communicating in the language of love. Once we’ve understood “what is love” and the “feeling of love”, we can then go on to share our love with our parents, children, brothers and sisters, friends and the one we want to spend our life with. That is the real cycle of love.
Once we have experienced “real love”, we will experience life changing events, and we will feel peace and being showered with good energy from the cosmos universe. There will not be any guilt, jealousy or envy which are primarily responsible for creating those pains, hurts and sufferings that we are experiencing now. Though we may come across the occasional storm, and some emotional ripples later in our peaceful life, do not over-react, because it is just the way nature reminds us of the value of real love.
taken for a free ride…
As such, the notion of “taken for a free ride” will disappear, and we will feel at ease and feel blessed for being alive, everyday and the day ever after ….
[1] Reference from “The ABC of Enlightment” by OSHO.
[2] Refer to my other article on “what is real love” for details…
About Love and Romantic Love: By Michael Grayson Conner, Psy.D
“Love is mostly tender and quiet.”
“Love is a light that allows people to see things that are not seen by others.”
“Romantic love is a deep emotional, sexual and spiritual recognition and regard for the value of another person and relationship.”
Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational. Romantic love can seem like an emotional storm.
There are countless people out there who believe romantic is followed by disillusionment. These people come to believe that romantic love is a false hope. They began their relationship with romantic feelings. They had dreams for their future. They felt that life was finally rewarding and worthwhile. But eventually the relationship began to fall apart. It was a painful experience. They remember when they were in love. They feel tortured by their inability to see how or why their love was lost.
Despite these experiences, people are still drawn to something they seldom reach. It is a profound longing. A desire that is difficult to extinguish. Romantic love is not something that must crumble when faced with practical realities. Romantic love is not something just for youth.
Utilitarian & Intrinsic marriages…
Before going further, we should know something about the institution of marriage. One kind of marriage is the utilitarian marriage. In this type of marriage there is an absence of mutual involvement or passion. This type of marriage is usually held together by social, financial or family considerations. In a utilitarian marriage the relationship is made tolerable by long separations, community activities and usually infidelity. The other kind of a marriage is the intrinsic marriage. In this type of marriage there is passionate emotional and sexual involvement. The experience of life is shared. The relationship is considered more fulfilling and interesting than any social activity. In this relationship there is a tendency to avoid activities resulting in separations.
Why are we not able to sustain romantic love…
Marriage itself does not create or sustain romantic love. To love someone, and for that love to endure, requires the ability to see that person with clarity. For example, we have all seen how some people will idealize or glamorize their partners. They exaggerate their good qualities, and they ignore and avoid considering significant differences and potential problems. Why do they do this? Many reasons, but mostly because they need to see the person in this idealized way. People can fall in love with the idea of a person who doesn’t really exist and then hope the relationship will endure.
Most people never learn how to sustain a loving relationship. The reason is simple. Nobody showed them. The mere fact that a man and woman feel love toward each other does not guarantee they will be able to create a joyful and rewarding life. Love does not automatically teach a person communication skills. Love does not teach a person how to resolve a conflict. Love does not teach people how to weave their love into the rest of their life.
For most people who fall in love, a time will come when they sense the beginning of problems. They know that romantic love can produce great joy and happiness. But with time, they begin to feel more alone. They experience self-doubt and they feel the consequence of their unmet needs. They begin to see the other person more like they truly are and not what they needed them to be. They usually begin to find faults in others and they may become jealous, angry, bitter, sarcastic or cynical. Many will separate or remain together in misery. They will often have children and try to raise a family in an effort to revive the relationship or to feel better. Many will have an affair. When they separate or divorce, some will get involved in another relationship too quickly. They try to find some way to ease the pain. They idealize this new person in their life and the cycle starts over. They say to themselves, “I’ll never be hurt like that again.
The desire to love…
The exact origin of the desire to love is difficult to comprehend, but can be appreciated in many ways.
When a man and woman encounter each other in midst of love they seek intimate contact. In a general sense, love is a response to something we intimately value. Romantic love is the experience of joy in the presence of a loved one, joy in being close to a loved one, and joy in our interaction with a loved one.
“Someone we love enters the room. Our eyes and heart light up. We look at this person. We feel a growing feeling of joy within us. We reach out and touch their hand. We feel happy and fulfilled.”
I believe we all have a profound need to find things in the world we care about and feel inspired by.
“Life is worthwhile – at any age – when we find something worth pursuing.”
The needs to express our true nature…
Psychologists have long recognized that both children and adults need something in their environment that is a source of “pleasure.” Maybe pleasure is a not the best word, but we do have a need to explore those things which 
are interesting and exciting. We search for that which will charm us and bring us in touch with the awe and wonder we experienced when we were children. We know that children are curious and adventurous. But the most important need of children and adults seems to be the expression of their true nature – Being who we truly are is important. Sterling Ellsworth called it our Real Self, our identity and our true nature.
Our Real Self and the nature of people are quite clear when we observe children. Any parent can readily see that children are inherently lovable and capable. And for children to grow into healthy adjusted adults, they need to be treated as lovable and capable beings. They also need to express their lovable and capable nature.
“From the moment of birth we begin looking for lights that will brighten our journey, provide us with purpose and meaning, and make our struggle worthwhile.”
It is here that we can begin to understand another important expression of romantic love.
“Romantic love is a powerful way to express our capacity to love and to be loved. It is a way to focus our energy, our curiosity, and our desire for adventure. Romantic love is a source of pleasure and inspiration and is worth pursuing. Romantic love is a blessing of life. Romantic love confirms our lovable and capable nature.”
The dynamics of romantic love at work…
At the very core of Romantic Love I have observed and discovered a number of important dynamics at work.
1. Visibility (the desire to be seen)
To live successfully is to put ourselves into the world; to give expression to our thoughts, our values, and our goals. Whenever we express our personality, we make known our values, our intelligence, our sense of life, our rhythm and temperament. Each of us expresses ourselves in our behavior – how we act and what we say. Whatever we express in our behavior can be reflected back by the response and the behavior expressed by others. We see how others respond if we are paying attention. The way they act, how they look at us, the way they speak to us, and especially the ways in which they don’t respond.
When we encounter a person who thinks as we do, and notices what we do, and values what we do, we experience a strong feeling of contact with that person.
“In loving you, I see in you a part of me that is also you. I also see in you something that is really me. And there is you, a person of many qualities – a person who is a mystery – a person I am drawn to.”
“All life – by its very nature – entails a possibility of defeat. Because of this, we find pleasure and reassurance in the expression of life. Sharing our life and participating in life is reassuring that life is possible. Romantic love is an intense sharing and reassurance that life is possible.”
So we find pleasure in the experience of life which endure. We take comfort in the experience of this. This comfort is a greater gift than any explicit words or advice: The sight of a lovable person. The awareness of a capable child. There is something in each of us that finds pleasure in watching the healthy assertiveness in a child make his way into the world. Finding ourselves romantically in love is always associated with a hope that it will endure.
2. Visibility & Self-Discovery
The agony of not being recognized or seen by others is a source of many problems and insecurities. When we are seen by others, there is always some element of self-discovery available to us. The first time we feel loved, there is an enormous pleasure and excitement in finding someone who sees and values us. A sustained experience of visibility in any relationship that goes to any significant depth will generate self-discovery and expanded awareness.
3. Visibility & Understanding
The desire to be seen and understood are inseparable. When we are told we are loved, there is something in us that feels joy. And there is something in us that wants to know what others see. The desire for visibility is related to our desire to be understood. For any individual, blind love may help numb or settle anxiety, but it will not answer our hunger to be seen and understood. People who feel misunderstood will often go to great lengths to be seen.
Being visible does not always lead to love. But love devoid of visibility is an illusion.
4. Visibility & Validation
People often confuse the desire to be validated with a desire to be seen. Visibility and validation are not the same.
We have all known people with low self-esteem. In every case there is an excessive preoccupation with gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. There is an excessive desire for validation and support. People naturally confuse the need to feel good about themselves 
(self-esteem) with a need to be seen (visibility). The desire to be validated is not healthy when it becomes more important than honesty, integrity, or any expression of our lovable and capable nature.
The desire to be validated is not a sign of low self-esteem. But people with good self-esteem do not run around acting super normal, hiding their faults, showing off, or trying to impress people just to be validated. The more they take pride in who they are, and the more they act in a way that makes them proud, the more eager they are to be seen for who we are. Self-esteem means confidence in our capable nature, and it means confidence in a loveable identity.
“We are not mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We are all inherently loveable and capable. We may not be treated that way. We may even come to believe we are not lovable and capable because of the way people treat us. All love endures between people who recognize their lovable and capable nature and that nature in the others.”
When we feel lovable and capable we want others to see us as we truly are – not who we pretend to be. We look to see if they can see and communicate to us their discovery of who we really are. We want people to see and value the identity we were born with and what we have grown to become. We want people to see us and treat us as lovable and capable.
In romantic love, two people see each other in a unique way. And they experience each other in a deeper and more complete way than any other relationship.
5. Visibility & Sexuality
We are more than human. We are beings of a specific gender. Contained in every human is the awareness of being male or female. It is an integral and intimate part of our self-concept and our identity. We are not merely human beings. We also experience ourselves as male and female. Our sexual identity is rooted in the reality of our biological nature. Our sexuality is not simply our physical maleness or femaleness. Our sexual identity is the experience of our maleness and our femaleness.
“The polarity of male and female generates a dynamic tension. These differences can be complementary and provide a window into aspects of ourselves that were never known.”
Our sexual identity is central to who we are. We not only want to be seen by others as a certain kind of human being. We want to be seen as a man or woman. Despite the many differences between men and women, we can compliment each other in many basic, mysterious and wonderful ways.
“As far as I can tell, masculinity is the expression of man’s belief that the creation of a woman was nature’s most brilliant idea. And femininity is the expression of women’s belief that the creation of man is nature’s most brilliant idea.”
We all carry some male and female aspects within us. In men, the male principle is usually predominate. In 
women, the female principle is usually predominate. A man knows what it feels like to be a man in a way that no woman can fully understand. The same principle applies for women. The difference in perspective available to men and women when encountering each other represents, at least potentially, a deeper range of knowing our self and another person. In other words, a wider range of possibilities exists between men and women than between members of the same sex. The deepest level of self-understanding for a man requires interaction with the opposite sex. In relating to people who are different, especially the opposite sex, we can potentially experience the fullest range of who we are, who we aren’t, and aspects of ourselves we deny or never realized. The polarity between man and woman generates and accentuates self-discovery and self-understanding.
We have all heard how some people can meet someone for the first time and then experience a sudden shock of recognition. There is an odd sense of familiarity, a mysterious sense of having encountered the person before – as if the person was already known. These people experience a sense of fascination over this mysterious familiarity and strangeness. Something is known about this person in a powerful way.
In romantic love we perceive the other as a real or potential source of happiness. Desire is born. And desire leads to actions which result in pleasure and joy. If we are frightened or angered by our differences, love withers.
“Fascination, attraction, or passion may be born “at first sight”. But love requires curiosity, patience, acceptance and seeing people for who they truly are. This usually takes time.”
6. Our Sense of Life & Romantic Love
A soul mate is a person who shares our sense of life. When we encounter another person, we encounter the presence of that person’s sense of life. Sometimes we can quickly sense something about the other person’s sense of life, how he or she feels about himself or herself, the joyfulness in their approach to life, or the defensiveness and fearfulness they endure. We can sense in people their level of enthusiasm, optimism, excitement or even their dread with life.
Our sense of life reflects many conscious and unconscious values. It reflects our broadest and deepest attitudes, and is grounded in our conclusions about the world, about life and about ourselves. When we are not allowed to express our lovable and capable nature, and when we are treated as unlovable and incapable beings, we develop a sense of life in which the world is not open to our thoughts, is unconcerned about our feelings, and unaffected by our actions.
Our sense of life can also reflect a strong and healthy self-esteem, a clear sense of value in our life, and a conviction that our world is open to our lovable and capable nature. Or it can reflect the torture of self-doubt, embittered resentment, tragic defiance, complaining resignation, aggressive impotence, a perverse sense of martyrdom, a view of the world that is sordid and senseless, or the anxiety that we may live in a world were we are unlovable and incapable.
There are potential problems whenever a couple has a different sense of life. It is essential that people in love fully recognize, appreciate and accept differences in their sense of life. Even when they don’t, things can still go well initially – especially when people put their “best foot” forward. Eventually the difference in your sense of life will surface with unexpected results. People eventually stop pretending or begin to notice with time how you really are.
Our sense of life and our approach to life develops with the first expression of our Real Self. It matters how our parents respond and it matter how other people treat us. It matters if parents treat us as unlovable or incapable. It matters if our parents treat each other as lovable and capable. When people treat us like we are unlovable and incapable, and when they treat each other that way, life can become a grudging responsibility where people may become no more than objects or a means to an end, and new relationships are formed on the basis of social economics. We may begin to value ourselves not for who we are, but for how we look, what we can do and what we have or own. We may develop a sense of life where we shrink our awareness, blame others, give up their responsibilities, or we may come to believe that life is no longer an adventure in which every moment offers the opportunity to learn. When two people who respond to life in radically opposing ways meet, a potential barrier to romantic love may be formed.
7. Complementary Differences & Similarities
The second principle involves the “similarities and differences” between people. The most basic similarity is that a man and a woman are both human. The most basic difference is that people are male or female.
In romantic love, a man and woman must experience their differences, at least to some degree, as mutually enriching, and as capable of drawing out untapped awareness and potential in each other. Their intimacy is an adventure resulting in expanded consciousness and the profound sense of being alive. The key is whether the couple experiences their differences as complementary or antagonistic. This will depend on the willingness and ability of both people to appreciate and find value in the other person.
“Romantic love offers us the possibility self-discovery through deep contact with another.”
If you are in love, you might ask yourself, “What part of myself does my lover bring me into fresh contact with”? “How do I experience myself in this relationship”? “When I am with my lover, what feels most alive within me”?
8. Rhythm & Energy
Most people possess an inherent biological rhythm that is easy to feel but difficult to describe when you don’t know what to look for. This rhythm and energy is deeply connected to whether or not romantic love actually ignites or endures.
Rhythm and energy can be observed in our speech patterns, emotional responses and body language. Closely related is the observation that some people are naturally more or less energetic than others – physically, emotionally or intellectually. Some people move, feel, think faster or slower depending on the circumstance and their environment. Some people are impulsive or impatient. They may even experience a different sense and relationship to time.
Sometimes two people meet and are on the verge of falling in love. They may have a lot in common and they may be physically attracted on the basis of their appearances. Yet they can feel strangely out-of-sync with each other. They may even feel irritated and have difficulty accounting for these feelings. The person who is naturally fast and eagerly explores life may feel chronically impatient with a person who savors life at a slower pace. The person with a less fevered pace may feel chronically pressured. The person who interprets these differences as personal or intentional by the other will feel frustrated and even angry in the relationship.
Failure to understand the importance of our rhythm and energy, and the effect on relationships, will lead to quarrels and disagreements. These differences can become antagonistic even though they have the potential to become complimentary. When couples don’t recognize or appreciate their differences, many will become extreme or try to change the other person in order to create a balance. When this fails couples begin to look for faults in each other. As the relationship begins to fail, they may begin to explain their problems in terms of the alleged faults. They remain unaware of a deeper reason for their discomfort and acceptance of differences.
When a man and woman meet and feel “in sync”, there can be an exhilarating experience of harmony and that their relationship is right. Being “in sync” is an experience of knowing the other in a very special sense. Both may resonate to a marvelous kind of rhythm.
Once you are aware of this phenomena, and notice it in your relationships, you can better understand why people are attracted and irritated by each another. Rhythm and energy are the means to explore difference and similarities and to gain a deeper harmony and compatibility.
9. The Private Universe of Romantic Love
Another essential principle to understanding romantic love is the concept of “A private universe.” Two people in love can create a private universe out of their sense of individuality, their similar sense of life, their differences and similarities, their rhythm and energy, and the capacity to make meaningful contact with each other. This universe can be shared with silent understandings, unspoken words, humorous signals, and focused glances. Conversations and physical contact become wondrous, exciting and safe.
“Romantic love is based on shared sight and is shaped by happiness. Immature love is based on shared blindness, and is merely a fortress against pain.”
“Romantic love is a sanctuary, and a source of nourishment and energy. Sometimes romantic love is the only point of certainty, and the only thing that is solid and real in the midst of chaos and ambiguity.”
Is there any relation between the cosmos universe pictures above and the ordinary looking Christmas tree in the picture below?
* the bee & the lotus…
* the beauty at dusk…
* the beach party…
* Nature, the painter…
* the fears…
* meal time…
* looking over…
* reaching up…
“Every man is the architect of his own fortune…” – Sallust
* To accomplish great things…
“To accomplish great things we must dream as well as act…” – Anatole France
* experience tells you…
“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.”- Stan Smith
“If you aren’t going all the way, why go at all? – Joe Namath
“Why is it we never have time to do it right, but we always have time to do it over?” – Zig Ziglar
“You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be, and do in the tomorrow of your life…” Zig ZigLar
“One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect…” – Mark Twain
“Anything that changes your values changes your behaviour…” - Max Stein
* our words reveal our thoughts…
“Our words reveal our thoughts ; manners mirror our self-esteem;
our actions reflect our character; our habits predict the future…” – William Arthur Ward
“The best time to do something significant is between yesterday and tomorrow…” – Zig Ziglar
“Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving, not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness, not by our seeming greatness…” – William Arthur Ward
“I don’t think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present..” – W. Somerset Maugham
* failure is not necessarily…
“Failure is not necessarily at the end of the road. Many times it is the beginning of a new and more exciting trip…” – Zig Ziglar
* our challenge is…
“Our challenge is to learn from the past; live and grow in the present, and look to the future with hope and optimism…” – Zig Ziglar
* the disciplines of growth…
“Most of the significant things done in the world were done by persons who were either too busy or too sick! There are few ideal and leisurely settings for the disciplines of growth…” – Robert Thornton Henderson
“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways, it can change someone else’s life forever…” – Margaret Cho
* how the character is built…
“People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built…”- Eleanor Roosevelt
* Rudeness is…
“Rudeness is weak man’s imitation of strength…” – Eric Hoffer
* It’s not how much you have…
“It’s not how much you have but how well you use what you have that counts…” – Zig Ziglar
* Courage is resistance to fear…
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear; not absence of fear.”- by Mark Twain
Nature luvr
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