Excerpt from today Straits Times, “Stand up for yourself” by David Goldwich.

 

·        Studies show that only 5 to 20% of the population is assertive.

·        Nearly all top managers are assertive.

·        Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for yourself without stepping on anyone else’s toe. It means communicating your interests in a manner that is clear, direct, specific and considerate.

·        It is the “golden mean” between passive and aggressive.

·        If you cannot stand up for yourself, you are passive.

·        If you can stand up for yourself but disregard the rights and feelings of others, you may be aggressive.

·        Assertiveness is not just a personality trait – it is a skill that can be learnt.

·        Most people who take assertive training are passive.

·        Passive people may have unsatisfactory and unbalance relationships, without the give and take of healthy interpersonal relationships.

·        Passive people may regret their lack of assertiveness and resent others. They may also suffer from low self-esteem and depression.

·        Assertive people have positive self-esteem. They enjoy fulfilling relationships based on open communication and mutual respect. They take responsibility for their feelings, statements and action. Assertive people stand up for themselves, exercising their rights while recognizing the fights and opinions of others.

·        3 skill sets that assertive people use:

a.    The ability to say no.

b.    The ability to ask.

c.     The ability to craft assertive messages.

 

My reflections…

 

       Assertiveness is the state of balanced between the passiveness and aggressiveness. There is no right or wrong in the balancing scale, dependant upon the situation that we are in.

 

        Balance does not necessarily mean equal amount on both side of the scale. We need a lot more cotton to balance with a piece of small solid rock. Hence discretion is the key to success.

 

        Some of us being assertive and get promoted, some of us being assertive and get into trouble.

 

            The secret lies in the alignment of our values to those of our bosses’ and the corporate one. The alignment of the moon and the sun will determine the consequences between ‘appreciation’ and ‘insubordination’.

 

        Hence, we need to constantly reflect upon ourselves, to find out and update our own true values as we journey along our life through the ups and downs. Being ourselves is also means being assertive to our values. If being assertive to our own values is conflicting with our friends’ or our bosses’ values, then it is time for us to move on without them.

 

        Success does not measure by our job title, position, salary or the power that we have. It is measured by our ability to contribute to our nation, our company, the people, friends and the environment around us, without losing our soul.